


Zip

by squidmemesinc



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: (for sex i mean), Anal Sex, Hand Jobs, M/M, Paperwork, creative use of theoretical Fantasy Costco items
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-30
Updated: 2016-12-30
Packaged: 2018-09-13 12:29:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9123634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squidmemesinc/pseuds/squidmemesinc
Summary: “How are you even doing this? Not astral projection?”“No, actually it’s a neat little gadget I picked up at the Fantasy Costco today. It’s an Interdimensional Zipper, or something. Basically it’s just a zipper that can open a portal through any other zipper. Garfield thought they were useless, so actually it was quite a steal.”





	

**Author's Note:**

> I came up with this idea while I was half asleep and now I'm embarrassed to have made it real. Is this weird? It's weird. Sorry.
> 
> Kravitz is an interesting character to me for a lot of reasons, none of which appear in this fic. Oh well! Maybe some day.
> 
> Honestly I'm very sad that my first Taakitz includes 0 tentacles. This is not my beautiful house. This is not my beautiful brand.

Kravitz is so deeply entrenched in his piles of paperwork that he’s not aware how much time has passed between when he started and when Taako’s voice comes crackling through his Stone of Farspeech.

“Hey babe,” he says casually. “What, uh, whatcha up to?”

Kravitz jumps slightly, but quickly recovers and fishes his Stone out of his pocket and holds it distractedly in his hand as he continues to fill out his forms. “You surprised me. Um, just some paperwork.”

“Soooo you’re busy then?”

“A little, I’m afraid.” He feels a bit bad since he’d already canceled one of their dates and he said he would reschedule but hasn’t yet. He puts down his pen and looks up as if giving the non-present Taako his full attention, and speaks gently into the stone. “I’m really very sorry. Can I call you tomorrow?”

Taako is breezy. “Oh, no worries my man. Wasn’t trying to pressure you. Listen, I can find other ways of entertaining myself for a while, just, uh, have fun with your paperwork.”

“Thanks,” Kravitz replies, smiling gently before pocketing the Stone again. He picks up his pen and returns to the forms, though finds himself a bit distracted in trying to fill them out. At first, it’s just a mental thing, making notes and trying to rearrange his plans so he can set up a date to keep next time, and also where they might go because he thinks it was his turn to pick. And then…

Kravitz shifts in his chair, sure he’s imagining this feeling, and pushes all thoughts of Taako from his mind, aggressively signing his name at the bottom of a stack of documents. But the weird persistent feeling of something…well… But no, it’s _absolutely_ impossible that anything of the sort is happening and he refuses to acknowledge these paranoid thoughts and _check_ because the notion of it strikes him as undignified. He shuffles the stack of completed papers, which has actually grown much higher than his incomplete stack, and continues to push through for another minute.

And then a minute later, Kravitz suddenly slaps his hand down on the table, jolting his previously pristine desk and shuffling up the things neatly piled across it. He sits very still, still not checking but paying very close attention, and determines that he is not, in fact, hallucinating. It still takes him another minute of sitting very still and trying to suppress his paranoia before he caves to his suspicion and decides to ask calmly while he still can.

He fishes his Stone of Farspeech out of his pocket again and holds it firmly next to his mouth. “Taako,” he says.

“Mm?” A lazy reply comes back as if he’s hardly paying attention.

“Forgive me for asking a strange question, but are you _doing something_ to me?”

He snickers, which is not quite the outright denial Kravitz was hoping for, and the fingers palming his cock through his underwear grow surer and seemingly more corporeal. “I do a lot of things to a lot of folk, darling, can you be more specific?” His voice is an equal mixture of sassy and sultry, if only because Kravitz’ question provided an ample opportunity for it to be so.

“I’m really trying not to be blunt because I’ll feel very silly if I’m wrong, but your answer doesn’t make me think I am,” Kravitz says, shifting his feet a little wider despite knowing he needs to solve this and get back to work.

“Oh, you’re talking about like, the ‘my hand on your dick’ thing. Yeah, see when I said ‘have fun with your paperwork’ that was kind of like a joke. Not really an innuendo? I guess it’s not really a joke either…”

“Taako!” Kravitz nearly shouts at him, both because now he’s admitted to messing around and because his hand sneaks very un-subtly under all his clothes now, making contact with his skin, which is responding to the stimulation whether he wants it to or not. Kravitz closes his eyes, though to what effect, he’s not sure. “How are you even doing this? Not astral projection?”

“No, actually it’s a neat little gadget I picked up at the Fantasy Costco today. It’s an Interdimensional Zipper, or something. Basically it’s just a zipper that can open a portal through any other zipper. Garfield thought they were useless, so actually it was quite a steal.”

Kravitz is torn about the idea of looking down under his desk and just grabbing Taako’s hand to still it and possibly force it back out, because he thinks it would probably wig him out a little bit and be very unsexy, but also… It feels really good. He’s experienced the unlikely but undeniable prowess of Taako’s hands once before and it’s not as if he’s forgotten, it’s all downhill from here. He clutches the Stone tighter in one hand and covers his eyes with the other.

“I’m not distracting you, am I?” Taako asks, knowing _exactly_ what the answer to that is. Kravitz groans and means to shoot a response back at him, but misses the opportunity and so just comes off as enjoying this, which he is. He hears Taako laugh and feels him pull his hand back, and when it comes back again it’s coated with that same tingling lubricant he’d used last time that drives Kravitz crazy. The friction is amplified almost unbearably and he chokes on another soft noise. “I’ll really stop if you want me to. But I was making a bet with myself whether you’d even say anything or just keep pushing your papers.”

Kravitz laughs a little breathily. “Are you calling me boring or something?” He’s leaning into it now, he knows, but his cock is already almost completely hard from the expert twists and pulls of Taako’s dexterous fingers.

“More like hard-working.”

“To a fault? It’s still a dig, then,” Kravitz mutters out distractedly, still shifting his hips against Taako’s warm palm as he keeps his eyes hidden from no one to mask the flush in his cheeks.

“I mean, I wouldn’t choose that life for myself, but I like your dedication. It’s not a dig.”

“I really wish you were here, Taako,” Kravitz admits, biting his lip as soon as he’s said it. He knows that no matter what, his skin feels cold like death, but from his own perspective he’s burning up from the attention and the circumstance. Something about this feels forbidden. Maybe the fact that he’s in his workplace getting jerked off by someone on another plane. He rocks slightly against what shouldn’t be resistance as he sits with his elbows on his desk, the Stone of Farspeech warm in his hand.

Taako laughs lightly. “I think you had a chance for that a lil’ earlier, bub. But this is fun too.”

“Are you mad at me?”

“Does it feel like I’m mad at you?” He gives Kravitz’ cock a firm, slow squeeze that makes him gasp. “Nah, I’m just exploring my options. Do you think this is kinkier or less kinky than sexting? Also, what is that? I don’t even know what I just said.” They both laugh again and the line goes quiet for a moment other than the soft sound of both of them panting. “What would you do…if I was there?”

Kravitz rubs his hand across his face as Taako’s hand works him tirelessly and his cock throbs. “I really want to kiss you,” he murmurs.

“Whoa, hang on, I don’t think I’m ready for first base,” Taako quips, laughing more.

“Don’t pretend you don’t remember how I kiss,” Kravitz reminds him, his voice low and just the tiniest bit smug.

He hears Taako suck in a sharp, hitching breath and smiles, counting his modest win. “Point taken.”

Kravitz’ rolls his head onto his shoulder, cupping the Stone very close to him now and threading his fingers into his hair, disturbing the neat styling he’d done earlier. “I want to touch you, I—I want—”

“You want to fuck me over your desk?”

Kravitz groans. “Yes, if I’m being honest. My papers would go everywhere, but— _nng_.” He abruptly feels Taako’s hand replaced by another part of him, and it catches him by surprise so that he’s holding his breath trying not to come. Taako’s rolling himself gently around him and he can feel him twitching around his throbbing cock, tight and warm and unexpected and totally welcome.

“Okay, now this just feels like masturbating,” Taako mumbles pensively, but he sounds a little less composed than he usually aims to be.

It is weird that there’s no weight on his thighs, but when Kravitz pushes his hips forward he hears Taako make a soft sound and he moves gently, testing. “I wasn’t expecting this,” Kravitz says, feeling a bit dizzy and extremely turned on. “This is driving me crazy,” he complains, desperate to feel Taako’s skin under his hands, his body moving against his own.

“How’s that paperwork coming, then?” Taako breathes as he moves himself up and down at a more regular rhythm. It’s weird that Kravitz can hear the slick noises of the lube on his end and also through the Stone.

At Taako’s question, he pushes his arm out across the desk, knocking the stack of unfinished papers to the ground and causing a ruckus. The idea that he’s going to have to pick up and organize all of those later makes him panic slightly, but he quickly forgets with the building pressure of Taako rocking his body over him and making soft noises of pleasure and then sharper ones at his motion. He does imagine Taako pressed underneath him on the desk with his legs hooked behind his back. He imagines being able to actually feel the shape of his body below him, his hands on his back, in his hair. Being able to mark up his neck, to kiss him. “Taako… Taako, I’m—”

“It’s okay,” comes Taako’s breathless reply. “Me too.” He’s fucking himself hard on Kravitz’ leaking dick, and Kravitz thinks were it not for the audio and Taako’s uncanny attunement to things of this nature, there might have been some disconnect, but just based on what he’s feeling and hearing, he thinks they come at the same time. He’s squeezing the Stone of Farspeech so hard in his hand he’s surprised it hasn’t cracked yet, and he comes panting into it. He belatedly realizes there’s not much he can even do from his end when he feels Taako pulling back and politely tucking him back in.

Kravitz lets his head fall forward onto his arms crossed on his desk at last and breathes to regain his cool, hearing similar sounds from Taako’s end for a good while.

“Krav,” Taako says finally.

“Mm?”

“Have fun picking up all your papers,” he snickers. “That was good though, in the heat of the moment and all. Very sexy. Honestly didn't think you had it in you.”

“You're calling me boring again.”

“Nah, tidy. Also sensitive.”

Kravitz sits up and rubs his eyes, feeling expended and yet...very much not in the mood for any more paperwork. Some company sounds much better, if he’s being honest, and maybe a little more…contact than that. He’s got a bit of passion worked up in him, unspent.

He looks up at the stack of completed forms that he didn't quite knock off his desk, though it certainly is a bit disheveled. And yet maybe this is what makes it look as if he's done more than he'd originally thought. Maybe it's time for a break. Well, an extended break. “What are your plans for the rest of the evening?”

 


End file.
